Taking the Leap: Trusting in God's Plan
Originally posted on July 23. 2018
A few months ago, while still in the midst of papers, tests, and caffeine-induced late nights, I felt a strong pull to work for a ministry in Chicago after graduation. I felt so deeply in my soul that this was where the Lord was calling me. I carried with me that deep sense of joy and peace about the ministry until the beginning of summer.
And then the waves of doubt and insecurity came crashing down: Who am I to serve with this ministry. I’m not qualified. I don’t have the skills. I’ve never even ministered to men. This isn’t even a permanent job with a salary. You have student loans. What are you doing?
These thoughts and feelings continued their brutal assault, leading up to my interview in Chicago. While I was there, I felt the fear and doubt looming over me, but that deep, deep inner peace kept leading me to the same conclusion: this is God’s will for me. On the surface, however, the anxiety, fear, and uncertainty of stepping into the unknown still remains. These past few weeks , those feelings have been like unrelenting waves, beating me back and forth like a rag doll, leaving me swimming and gasping for air in a sea of doubt and insecurity. Every bone in my body wants to run, wants to get out now and pursue a more secure and traditional path.
When I allow this fear to over take me, I began grasping for a life line in this violent sea of doubt when I know the Lord is calling me to sit safely on the shore, trusting in His divine providence and grace. What the Lord calls us to doesn’t always make sense, but it is undoubtly the best path we could ever choose. The path that will lead to the deep peace and joy we crave. I know very well that this path may involve suffering and hardship, but I must look to Our Blessed Mother amid the fear. When Mary was asked to be the Mother of God, she was filled with fear but did not hesitate to follow the Lord’s will. I’m sure she suffered when she was scrutinized for having a child out of wedlock. I’m sure she was confused when she had to flee from her home and give birth to the Son of God in a dirty and smelly stable. The suffering she had to endure when she watched her only son being brutally murdered is a pain most of us will never understand. Yet, she remained faithful. And it was her yes that brought the Savior of the world down to save us from a life of eternal damnation. It was her yes that changed the entire course of human history.
When the Lord calls us to something, even if we don’t feel qualified, even if we can’t imagine ourselves in that role, we must blindly follow, remaining faithful to prayer and letting the Spirit guide us step by step. Doing His will may involve suffering, but He will give us the strength to endure it, and He will give us the grace to do His will. And it is only in doing His will that we will accomplish our God-given role in bringing souls home to heaven. It is in doing His will that we will truly change the world.
My friends, let your fiat be bigger than your fear.
I’m praying for you.